Just another Rainbow Christian's Blog

How not to rob a bank

How Not to Rob a Bank

The following is an excerpt from Tim Clark’s “How Not to Rob
a Bank.” Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the
experiences of a number of would-be robbers.

PICK THE RIGHT BANK

You don’t want to make the same mistake as the fellow in
Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer
in business and had no money.

STUDY YOUR HISTORY

Don’t try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield,
Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the
townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture
three of his gang. Nobody tried again until 1984, and the
customers chased the guy down. They’re tight with their
dollar, those Minnesotans.

SPEAK TO THE RIGHT TELLER

One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller,
and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out
of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat
on him until authorities arrived.

DON’T SIGN YOUR DEMAND NOTE

Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena
issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh… on an
envelope bearing the name and address of another in
Detroit….and in East Hartford, Connecticut, on the back of
a withdrawal slip giving the robber’s signature and account
number.

GO EASY ON THE DISGUISE

One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up,
ran face first into a glass door. He was the first criminal
ever to be positively identified by lip-print.

TAKE RIGHT TURNS ONLY

Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a
wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a
military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a
toll-booth, offered the security men money.

BE AWARE OF THE TIME

Or the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire,
Massachusetts, who hit the bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to
escape through downtown North Adams, where he was trapped in
rush hour traffic until police arrived.

CONSIDER ANOTHER LINE OF WORK

Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI,
robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his
shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly.

BE STRONG

Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea,
Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no
money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police
arrived. His getaway car, parked nearby, had the keys locked
inside it.

Try a thought experiment: What would conservatives have said if a group of loud, scruffy leftists had brought guns to the public events of Ronald Reagan or George W. Bush? 
— E.J. Dionne

People often say with pride, “I’m not interested in politics.” They might as well say, “I’m not interested in my standard of living, my health, my job, my rights, my freedoms, my future, or any future.”
    — Martha Gellhorn, writer/journalist   (1908-1998)

“If you want to make peace, you don’t talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies.”—Mother Teresa

Liberalism is trust of the people tempered by prudence. Conservatism is distrust of the people tempered by fear.
— William E. Gladston

The mob is man voluntarily descending to the nature of the beast. . . It persecutes a principle; it would whip a right; it would tar and feather justice.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

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