Just another Rainbow Christian's Blog

Product Placement

I have no true knowledge where this came from, it seems to have been put in my files in 2002!! – Ninure da Hippie

Some Bible translations can indeed get WAY out of hand (yes, this is a joke and not a serious translation):

The Product Placement Bible
Dear Mr. Madison:

You’re a shrewd advertiser. You’ve run television and radio ads.
You’ve bought product placement in movies. You’ve paid to make your
Website the #1 hit on every OpenText search. You’ve supported the
freedom of speech that made this country great by buying product
placement in books. Maybe you’ve even helped shape young minds by
putting your logo on the walls of the public schools. But now, for a
limited time only, you can put your corporate name on something even
more sacred than public education by sponsoring a brand new
translation of the Bible. Many placements have been sold, but a few
are still available. Act now to secure your space.

Rates: New Testament $5000 per verse; Old Testament $6500 per verse.
(The Old Testament has a wider audience, since it reaches Jewish as
well as Christian consumers. Your placement in the Original Testament
will automatically appear in our Product Placement Tanakh, available
early next year.) Red-letter costs $500 extra per word. Call for
Apocrypha rates.

Thanks to our hostile takeover of the Gideons, we are proud to
announce that your advertisement in the Product Placement Bible will
appear in hotel rooms around the world. So act now!

Sample Advertisements

Genesis 3:22
And the Lord God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to
know good and evil; and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take
also of the Mentos, and eat, and become fresh with me….

Genesis 9:12-15
And McDonald’s said, This is the token of the covenant which I make
between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for
perpetual generations: I do set my arches in the cloud, and it shall
be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth. And I will
remember my covenant, and the coffee shall no longer be heated to one
hundred and eighty degrees to destroy thy flesh.

1 Kings 17:6
And the ravens brought Oroweat Bread and Spam unto Elijah in the
morning, and Oroweat Bread and Spam in the evening; and he drank of
the Coca-Cola.

Job 38:1-6 and 42:1-6
Then Intel answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said, Where wast
thou when I cast the wafer of the Pentium chip? Declare, if thou hast
understanding. Who hath made the floating-point processor thereof, if
thou knowest?… Then Job answered Intel, and said, Who is he that
asks corrections for insignificant bugs? Therefore have I uttered
what I understood not.

Psalms 23:5
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
thou anointest my head with Brylcream; my Super Big Gulp runneth
over.

Ecclesiastes 12:12
Of making many Ziff-Davis magazines there is no end; and much posting
to Usenet is a weariness to the wrists.

Song of Solomon 1:2-3
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth; for thy love is better
than Miller Genuine Draft.

Song of Solomon 4:2
Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely; thy
temples are like a piece of Sunkist Navel Orange amid thy locks.

Matthew 2:11
And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with
Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him; and when they had
opened their Samsonite travelling bags, they presented unto him
gifts; Obsession for Men, and Lady Speed Stick, and a genuine 10
carat gold filled necklace from the Home Shopping Channel for only
$19.95.

Matthew 7:9-10
Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask for Barbie, will he
give him a Tammy? Or if he ask for a Tickle Me Elmo, will he give him
an Erector set? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts
unto your children, how much more shall the Wheel of Fortune give
luxury cars and cash prizes to them that win them?

Matthew 8:22
But Jesus said unto him, Follow me, and let James Brothers Funeral
Homes bury the dead.

Matthew 10:29
Are not two Original Buffalo Wings sold for a quarter? And yet one of
these is not sold without a discount coupon. Fear ye not therefore,
ye are of more value than many chickens.

Matthew 15:17-20
And they say unto him, we have here but five Lender’s bagels, and two
Mrs. Paul’s Fish Sticks. He said, bring them hither unto me. And he
commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, and took the five
loaves, and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he took out his
Motorola cellular phone and called Domino’s Pizza. And they did all
eat, and were filled; and they took up of the slices that remained
twelve boxes full for breakfast.

Every 3.6 seconds a real person dies from hunger somewhere in the world!!!
Feed a hungry person today:
http://www.hungersite.com

My YouTube Channel
http://www.youtube.com/Ninure

God is still speaking
http://www.stillspeaking.com

John Mark Ministries
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/

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