Just another Rainbow Christian's Blog

(From my files in 2008. Disturbing isn’t it, that some things never seem to change. – Ninure da Hippie

Republican-to-English Dictionary

In case you’ve been having trouble recently in deciphering speeches and news

alternative energy sources /n./ New locations to drill for gas and oil.
bankruptcy /n./ A means of escaping debt available to corporations but not to
poor people.

“burning bush” /n./ A biblical allusion to the response of the President of
the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid
to inquire about non-issues.

Cheney, Dick /n./ The greater of two evils.

class warfare /n./ Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.

c limate change /n./ Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states
are swallowed by the oceans.

compassionate conservatism /n./ Poignant concern for the very wealthy.

creation science /n./ Pseudo-science that claims George W. Bush’s resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental.

DeLay, Tom /n./ Past tense of De Lie.

extraordinary rendition /n./ Outsourcing torture.

faith /n./ The belief that the Beatitudes (statements made by JC) include
“Blessed are the rich” and “Blessed are the warmakers.”

free markets /n./ Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.

girly-men /n./ Males who neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women.

God /n./ Senior presidential adviser.

growth /n./ 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. 2. What happens
to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition 1.

healthy forest /n./ No tree left behind.

honesty /n./ Lies told in simple declarative sentences (e.g., “Freedom is
on the march.”).

House of Representatives /n./ Exclusive club; entry fee: $1 million to $5
million (See: Senate).

insanity /n./ See: staying the course.

laziness /n./ When the poor are not working.

leisure time /n./ When the wealthy are not working.

liberal(s) /n./ Followers of the Antichrist.

No Child Left Behind /riff./. There are always jobs in the military.

ownership society /n./ 1. A civilization where 1 percent of the population
controls 90 percent of the wealth. 2. A political system in which all power
is in the hands of the owners.

Patriot Act /n./ 1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the
terrorists from destroying them first. 2. The elimination of one of the
reasons why they hate us.

pro-life /adj./ Valuing human life up until birth.

Senate /n./ Exclusive club; entry fee: $10 million to $30 million.

simplify /v./ To cut the taxes of Republican donors.

staying the course /interj./slang./ Continuing to perform the same actions
and expecting different results (See: insanity)
stuff happens /interj./slang./ I don’t have to live in Baghdad.

voter fraud /n./ A significant minority turnout.

woman /n./ 1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can’t betrusted to
decide whether or not she wishes to have a child. 2. Person who must have all
decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she
wouldn’t want to have sex in the first place.

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