Just another Rainbow Christian's Blog

Warning: This is a very very, personal Blog. And it doesn’t have a tidy little ending…

A person I respect very much is really pissed with me right now.

He can’t understand why I can’t agree with him on the abortion issue…and in a sense I envy him that for him the issue is perfectly clear.

For me the issue is not so clear.

The arguments of both those opposed to abortion and those for “choice” make sense to me to one degree or another.

I’m conflicted.

Because for me the issue is very, very personal.

I can’t remember how old I was when my Mother first told me that she never wanted to give birth me. How she wished she could have had an abortion. How if it had not been for my birth, she would still be married to my father. I think I was 10.

My mother verbally. emotionally and physically abused me until my late teens (expect for a three year period when I lived with my Grandmother).

My father, with the few contacts I had with him made it quite clear that my mother wasn’t wrong..that he did not want me either.

I’m not whining, at least I don’t mean to whine, but my childhood was at best miserable most of the time. Other times it was pure hell. The only bright spots were church and school (an that was public school()

And to be honest, if my soul had existed before I was born, and God had told me what my life would be like and given me a choice to be born, or not be born….I’d have said “No thanks, no being born for me!!”.

What am I saying?

I’m not sure.

More often than not, when I really think about it, I wish my mother indeed had the choice to have a safe, legal, affordable abortion. Some people should NEVER be allowed within miles of any child, let alone be permitted to raise them. My mother was one of those people.

And for those who keep hollering about a right-to-life. I wonder if you’ll quiet down long enough to consider those children who are unwanted, unloved, and raised by one or more resentful and/or incompetent parents.

–Ninure da Hippie


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