Just another Rainbow Christian's Blog

Mitt Romney’s Message for the Holidays

Mitt Romney has a message for everyone this Halloween season: Don’t go knocking on his door! “Halloween goes against everything that is American,” he says. “It promotes satanic values and instills in our children that it’s okay to go knocking on strangers’ doors asking for handouts.” He continues, “we as devout Republicans and Americans do not feel like promoting or enabling entitlements like candy corn or mini Snickers bars. I love Snickers, don’t get me wrong, but we Americans cannot go around handing freeloading children candy. It’ll only make them lazier. Pretty soon they won’t be knocking on strangers’ doors, but sitting at home with the phone book and calling strangers to ask them for treats. It’s un-American.”

When asked whether he felt the same way about Christmas, a time for people all over the world to unite and celebrate in the birth of Jesus Christ, the Presidential candidate also said he would wage a war against the North Pole.

“Santa Claus is a criminal and he needs to be stopped. Spreading the wealth? Making sure all children have toys? That’s preposterous! Why has this criminal been on the run for centuries? He comes in your house, eats your cookies, leaves a mess of coal in your stockings (which only takes jobs away from coal miners), and then leaves thousands of dollars’ worth of repairs on your roof because of that God awful sleigh steered by flying reindeer. It’s not normal and he needs to be stopped.”

He continues, “also, the elves he employs should not be working in that workshop so much with all of that magic, beds, candy canes, all the cinnamon cookies they can eat and central heat and air conditioning. They’re in the North Pole. There’s no reason for them to have central air conditioning. I could save them from Santa and put them to work in my China sweatshops.”

So there you have it, Americans. Mitt Romney hates Halloween and Christmas. Be prepared for a nuclear war against the North Pole!

Note: This was posted on a page and apparently a lot of their fans didn’t get that this was satire, which it obviously is. And in other shocking news, there’s no Santa Claus!

Disclaimer: Pursuant to the UCC (Uniform Comedy Code), all depictions of events and persons on this site are more real than reality itself, and therefore any resemblance to reality is not really real.



This blog may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for educational purposes, to advance understanding of human rights, democracy, scientific, moral, ethical, and social justice issues, etc.

This constitutes a ‘fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

This material is distributed without profit


You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. Some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It has been noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticed. This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the notices, because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed.

“I trace the rainbow through the rain and see the promise is not in vain.”</i

Every 3.6 seconds a real person dies from hunger somewhere in the world!!!
Feed a hungry person today:

My YouTube Channel

God is still speaking

John Mark Ministries

Tell me what you REALLY think

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud