I was talking with a friend of mine about New Year’s Resolutions.
I told him that every year I resolve NOT to make any.
He said, “Well that a poor attitude!! But it’s not to late to put things right. I’m going to send you a list of resolutions you can keep!!”
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can ACTUALLY accomplish?
Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:
~ Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
~ Stop exercising. Waste of time.
~ Read less. Makes you think.
~ Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff.
~ Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
~ Spend more time at work, surfing the web.
~ Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world’s largest ball of twine.
~ Don’t jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
~ Stop bringing lunch from home–eat out more.
~ Don’t have eight children at once.
~ Get in a whole NEW rut!
~ Start being superstitious.
~ Personal goal: Don’t bring back disco.
~ Don’t ride in a car driven by Britney Spears.
~ Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
~ Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
~ Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.
~ Create loose ends.
~ Get more toys.
~ Get further in debt.
~ Don’t believe politicians.
~ Break at least one traffic law.
~ Don’t drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
~ Don’t swim with piranhas or sharks.
~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.
~ Wait for opportunity to knock.
~ Focus on the faults of others.
~ Mope about faults.
~ Never make New Year’s resolutions again.
Aim low. Reach your goals. Avoid disappointment.
People often say with pride, “I’m not interested in politics.” They might as well say, “I’m not interested in my standard of living, my health, my job, my rights, my freedoms, my future, or any future.”
— Martha Gellhorn, writer/journalist (1908-1998)
Live simply. Love generously.
Care deeply. Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.
‘God does not share his love between all of his creatures; He gives *all* of his love to *each* of His creatures!’ (Hugh of St. Victor).
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