Just another Rainbow Christian's Blog

Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

Is your mind normal?

@=@ Is YOUR Mind Normal?

Have you ever wondered if your mind is normal? Well, do this little mind exercise and find out! Free will or neurological wiring? You decide!

Try the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow. There’s no secret trick to it!

Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can. Remember, do it as quickly as you can, but don’t advance until you’ve done each of them.

Now, scroll down (but not too fast, so you don’t miss anything)…

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What is:

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1 + 5

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2 + 4

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3 + 3

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4 + 2

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5 + 1

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Now repeat saying the number 6 to yourself as fast as you can for 15 seconds.
Then scroll down.

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QUICK! THINK OF A VEGETABLE!
Then scroll down…

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Keep going!

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You’re thinking of a carrot, right?

If not, you’re among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think something else. 98% of people will think of a carrot when they do this exercise!

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Proverbs – The Strange Version

Proverbs – The Strange Version

1.. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
 
2. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
 
3. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
 
4. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
 
5. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
 
6. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
 
7. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
 
8. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
 
9. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
 
10. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
 
11. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
 
12. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
 
13. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never run out of material.
 

Live simply. Love generously.
Care deeply. Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.

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FAIR USE NOTICE:

This blog may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for educational purposes, to advance understanding of human rights, democracy, scientific, moral, ethical, and social justice issues, etc.

This constitutes a ‘fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

This material is distributed without profit


Every 3.6 seconds a real person dies from hunger somewhere in the world!!!
Feed a hungry person today:
http://www.hungersite.com

My YouTube Channel
http://www.youtube.com/Ninure

God is still speaking
http://www.stillspeaking.com

John Mark Ministries
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/

Explanations of Instructions

Explanations of Instrctions

What it says: “Batteries not included”

What it means: “Batteries do not come with this product, and you’re going to have to buy them yourself. Moreover, it uses unique batteries that you won’t find anywhere but a
specialty store, where you’ll pay twice as much for them.”

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What it says: “Some restrictions apply

What it means: “Somehow, some way, we’ll find a way to exclude you.”

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What it says: “May cause drowsiness”

What it means: “Expect a sudden bout with narcolepsy while you’re driving to work.”

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What it says: “Some assembly required”

What it means: “Take the day off and borrow your neighbor’s 2,000-piece tool kit. Don’t make any other plans for the day.”

Disclaimer: Pursuant to the UCC (Uniform Comedy Code), all depictions of events and persons on this site are more real than reality itself, and therefore any resemblance to reality is not really real.

===================

FAIR USE NOTICE:

This blog may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for educational purposes, to advance understanding of human rights, democracy, scientific, moral, ethical, and social justice issues, etc.

This constitutes a ‘fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

This material is distributed without profit

IMPORTANT NOTICE

You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. Some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It has been noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticed. This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the notices, because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed.

“I trace the rainbow through the rain and see the promise is not in vain.”


Every 3.6 seconds a real person dies from hunger somewhere in the world!!!
Feed a hungry person today:
http://www.hungersite.com

My YouTube Channel
http://www.youtube.com/Ninure

God is still speaking
http://www.stillspeaking.com

John Mark Ministries
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/

New Dog Breeds? – it’s to laugh

The following new breeds are now recognized by the AKC:

Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso: A dog that folds up for easy transport

Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow: A dog that throws up a lot

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter: A traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs: A puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso: An abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer: A dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever: The choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound: A dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull: A dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador: A dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point: Owned by…oh, well, it doesn’t matter anyway

Collie + Malamute = Commute: A dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere: A dog that’s true to the end

People often say with pride, “I’m not interested in politics.” They might as well say, “I’m not interested in my standard of living, my health, my job, my rights, my freedoms, my future, or any future.”
    — Martha Gellhorn, writer/journalist   (1908-1998)

Live simply. Love generously.
Care deeply. Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.

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NOTICE: Due to Presidential Executive Orders, the National Security Agency may have read this Blog without warning, warrant, or notice.

They may do this without any judicial or legislative oversight. You have no recourse nor protection save to call for the impeachment of the current President.

FAIR USE NOTICE:

This blog may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for educational purposes, to advance understanding of human rights, democracy, scientific, moral, ethical, and social justice issues, etc.

This constitutes a ‘fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

This material is distributed without profit


Every 3.6 seconds a real person dies from hunger somewhere in the world!!!
Feed a hungry person today:
http://www.hungersite.com

My YouTube Channel
http://www.youtube.com/Ninure

God is still speaking
http://www.stillspeaking.com

John Mark Ministries
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/

Even Jesus didn’t know…

One Sunday morning, an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn-out old hat and an equally worn, dog-eared Bible.

The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and fine jewelry. As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled by his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.

As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. “Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship in church.” The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the cowboy and said, “I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church.”

“I did,” replied the old cowboy.

“And what was his reply?” asked the preacher.

“Well, sir, God told me that He didn’t have a clue what I should wear, that He’d never been in this church.”

The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery; You shall not murder; You shall not steal; You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
– Romans 13:9</i>

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary — the evil it does is permanent.
– Mahatma Gandhi

In many parts of the world the people are searching for a solution which would link the two basic values: peace and justice. The two are like bread and salt for mankind.
– Lech Walesa
from his Nobel Lecture

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FAIR USE NOTICE:

This blog may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for educational purposes, to advance understanding of human rights, democracy, scientific, moral, ethical, and social justice issues, etc.

This constitutes a ‘fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

This material is distributed without profit

IMPORTANT NOTICE

You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. Some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It has been noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticed. This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the notices, because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed.

“I trace the rainbow through the rain and see the promise is not in vain.”

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Every 3.6 seconds a real person dies from hunger somewhere in the world!!!
Feed a hungry person today:
http://www.hungersite.com

My YouTube Channel
http://www.youtube.com/Ninure

God is still speaking
http://www.stillspeaking.com

John Mark Ministries
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/

Making Peace – a thought for today

MAKING PEACE

The following story came to me by way of “Chicken Soul For the Soul”. Its source is listed as “Gentle Spaces News”.

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment . . . then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. Used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.”

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. “This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.” The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.

A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. “Look.” he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”

“A lousy quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!” And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

A wise man indeed! He discovered something that most of us spend our whole lives searching for — a way to make peace. Granted, his peace was a “peace and quiet”, while we seek to bring about a deeper level of peace, but the principle is the same.

In the Beatitudes (Matthew 5:9), Jesus included peacemakers among those who would be blessed. I stand in awe of those who have the ability to reconcile people who have been fussing and fighting.

Allow these words of Paul to speak to us: “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men….. Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.” (Romans 12:18; 14:19)

May God bless us with wisdom to find ways to do just that.

Have a great day!

Alan Smith
Helen Street Church of Christ
Fayetteville, North Carolina

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Every 3.6 seconds a real person dies from hunger somewhere in the world!!!
Feed a hungry person today:
http://www.hungersite.com

My YouTube Channel
http://www.youtube.com/Ninure

God is still speaking
http://www.stillspeaking.com

John Mark Ministries
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/

The Search – it’s to laugh

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper. ‘ Hello ? ‘

‘Is your daddy home?’ he asked.

‘ Yes ,‘ whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?’

The child whispered, ‘ No .’

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, ‘Is your Mummy there?’

‘Yes

‘May I talk with her?’

Again the small voice whispered, ‘ No ‘.

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, ‘Is anybody else there?’

Yes , ‘ whispered the child, ‘ a policeman .

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, ‘May I speak with the policeman?’

‘ No, he’s busy , ‘

‘Busy doing what?’

‘ Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman , ‘ came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, ‘What is that noise?’

‘ A helicopter

‘What is going on there?’ demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, ‘ The search team just landed a helicopter ‘.

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, ‘What are they searching for?’

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle… ‘ ME . ‘

Disclaimer: Pursuant to the UCC (Uniform Comedy Code), all depictions of events and persons on this site are more real than reality itself, and therefore any resemblance to reality is not really real.

===================

FAIR USE NOTICE:

This blog may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for educational purposes, to advance understanding of human rights, democracy, scientific, moral, ethical, and social justice issues, etc.

This constitutes a ‘fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

This material is distributed without profit

IMPORTANT NOTICE

You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. Some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It has been noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticed. This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the notices, because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed.

“I trace the rainbow through the rain and see the promise is not in vain.”


Every 3.6 seconds a real person dies from hunger somewhere in the world!!!
Feed a hungry person today:
http://www.hungersite.com

My YouTube Channel
http://www.youtube.com/Ninure

God is still speaking
http://www.stillspeaking.com

John Mark Ministries
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/

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