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Posts tagged ‘bad puns’

Security Alert

Church Security — Special Bulletin…..

Notice: Intelligence has uncovered a new wave of church terrorists sent out to replace those captured yesterday. These new terrorists are believed to be brothers of those taken on Monday, October 22, 2001. Intelligence believes the brothers names are; Bin Gossip,
Bin Critical, Bin Absent and Bin Sour. The fear is, they are already in place in many area churches. Intelligence also fears that there are even more brothers in this wicked family just waiting for orders to invade.

Since our first report we have been notified by a number of Church Board’s that they have identified four additional suspected terrorists working in different churches. Three of them have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody. The Associate Pastor advised us that it is very difficult to find anyone fitting the description of the fourth cell member: Bin Workin, in most churches. However, he is confident that anyone who looks like he’s Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.

Other terrorists that church members are advised to be on the lookout for are Bin Lying, Bin Sleeping, Bin Arguing, Bin Fighting, Bin Complaining, Bin Missing, Bin Procrastinating, Bin Backsliding, and Bin non-Tithing. The ring leader is none other than Bin Lucifer, who has trained these operatives very well. If you see any of these terrorists operating in your church, immediately report them to your pastor and church board members.

Humor: Word Plays

(A few bad puns….)


~ A man rushed into the doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”

~ Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

~ A marine biologist developed a race of genetically-engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

~ There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and one slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

~ Back in the 1800’s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, “He who has a Tates is lost!”

~ A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.”


Ed admits that when he entered his dentist’s office for root canal work, he lost his nerve.



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