Just another Rainbow Christian's Blog

Posts tagged ‘Pray’

A Call to Technical Support – it’s to laugh

Moses Requests Technical Support (Humour)


>
“Excuse me, sir.”

“Is that you again, Moses?”

“I’m afraid it is, sir.”

“What is it this time, Moses. More computer problems?”

“How did you guess?”

“I don’t have to guess, Moses. Remember?”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

“Tell me what you want, Moses.”

“But you already know. Remember?”

“Moses!”

“Sorry, sir.”

“Well, go ahead, Moses. Spit it out!”

“Well, I have a question, Sir. You know those ten things you sent me?”

“You mean the Commandments, Moses?”

“That’s it. I was wondering if they were important.”

“What do you mean ‘were important, Moses? Of course, they are important. Otherwise I wouldn’t have sent them to you.”

“Well, sorry, but I lost them. I could say the dog at e them, but of course you would see right through that.”

“What do you mean ‘you lost them! Are you trying to tell me you didn’t save them, Moses?”

“No, sir. I forgot.”

“You should always save, Moses.”

“Yeah, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but I forgot. I did send them to some people before I lost them though.”

“And did you hear back from any of them?”

“You already know I did.”

“What about the one guy who said he never uses ‘shalt not’. Can he change the words a little bit?”

“Yes, Moses. As long as he doesn’t change the meaning.”

“And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh and recommended calling them the Ten Suggestions, or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?”

“Moses, I’ll act like I didn’t hear that.”

“I think tha t means, ‘no’. Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?”

“I think that is spamming, Moses.”

“Oh, yeah. I e-mailed him back and told him I don’t even eat that stuff, and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer.”

“And what he did say?”

“You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don’t think he might have sent me one of those plagues, and that’s the reason I lost those ten things, do you?”

“They’re called viruses, Moses.”

“Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we just go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but I never lost them.”

“We’ll do it the new way, Moses.”

“I was afraid you would say that, sir.”

“Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?”

“You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward the computer.”

“It’s a mouse, Moses. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?”

“No, I decided to try the technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you, and I really like your hours. By the way, sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?”

“No, Moses.”

“One other thing. Why didn’t you name them frogs instead of mice, because didn’t you tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?”

“I didn’t name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to.”

“Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, sir? I bet some woman told him to call it a mouse. After all, wasn’t it a woman who named one of the computers Apple?”

“Say good night, Moses.”

“Wait a minute, sir. I am stretching out the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten things have come back.”

“Which ones are they, Moses?”

“Let’s see. ‘Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image and ‘Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor’s wife.’

“Turn the computer off, Moses. I’m sending you another set of stone tablets. How does ‘Same Day Air’ sound?”
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Every 3.6 seconds a real person dies from hunger somewhere in the world!!! Feed a hungry person today:
http://www.hungersite.com

God is still speaking
http://www.stillspeaking.com

The 7 Ups

The 7-Ups

Wake Up – Decide to have a good day today. “Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice & be glad in it” Psalms 118:24 {Lord I just want to thank you}

Dress Up – The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart” I Sam 16:7 so dress it up.

Shut Up – Say nice things & learn to listen. God gave us 2 ears & 1 mouth so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. “He who guards his lips guards his soul” Proverbs 13:3 “Gossip betrays confidence avoid men who talk too much” Proverbs 20:19 “Listen to advice, accept instruction & in the end, you will be wise” Proverbs 19:20

Stand Up – For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything. “Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good…” Galatians 6:9-10 get out of your comfort zone & stand up.

Look Up – To the Lord. The shortest distant between a problem & a solution is the distance between your knees & the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything so Look up and say..”I can do everything through Him who gives me strength” Philippians 4:13

Reach Up – For something higher. As Jiminy Cricket sings “High Hopes” Always try to better yourself reach up and get your blessing.

Lift Up – Your Prayers. “Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING” Philippians 4:6

And you thought 7 UP was just a soda. .

Every 3.6 seconds a real person dies from hunger somewhere in the world!!!
Feed a hungry person today:
http://www.hungersite.com

My YouTube Channel
http://www.youtube.com/Ninure

God is still speaking
http://www.stillspeaking.com

John Mark Ministries
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/

A Paraphrase of the Lord’s Prayer

<h2PARAPHRASE OF THE LORD'S

OUR FATHER most holy,
our Creator and Redeemer,
our Savior and our Comforter.

WHO ART IN HEAVEN
in the angels and the saints,
giving them light to know you,
since you, Lord, are light;
setting them afire to love you,
since you, Lord, are love;
dwelling in them
and giving them fullness of joy,
since you, Lord,
are the supreme, eternal good,
and all good comes from you.

HALLOWED BE THY NAME,
may we grow to know you better and better
and so appreciate the extent of your favors,
the scope of your promises,
the sublimity of your majesty,
and the profundity of your judgements.

THY KINGDOM COME,
so that you may reign in us by your grace,
and bring us to your kingdom,
where we shall see you clearly,
love you perfectly and,
happy in your company, enjoy you forever.

THY WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN,
so that we may love you with all our heart,
by always having you in mind;
with all our soul,
by always longing for you;
with all our mind,
by determining to seek your glory in everything;
and with all our strength,
of body and soul,
by lovingly serving you alone.
May we love our neighbors as ourselves,
and encourage them all to love you,
by bearing our share
in the joys and sorrows of others,
while giving offense to no one.

GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY BREAD,
your beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ,
so that we may remember and appreciate
how much He loved us,
and everything He said and did and suffered.

AND FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES,
in your immeasurable mercy,
by virtue of the passion of your Son.

AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US,
and if we do not forgive perfectly,
Lord, make us forgive perfectly,
so that, for love of You,
we may really forgive our enemies,
and fervently pray to You for them,
returning no one evil for evil,
but trying to serve You in everyone.

AND LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION,
be it hidden or obvious,
sudden or persistent.

BUT DELIVER US FROM EVIL,
past, present or future,
Amen.

– St. Francis of Assisi

The Lord is my Programmer – a modern Psalm

(~) The Lord is my programmer

The Lord is my programmer,
I shall not crash.
He installed His software on the hard disk of my heart;
all of His commands are user-friendly.
His directory guides me to the right choices
for His names sake
Even though I scroll through the problems of life,
I will fear no bugs, for he is my backup.
His password protects me.

He prepares a menu before me in the presence of my enemies.
His help is only a keystroke away.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,

and my file will be merged with His and saved forever.

When – a poem

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection:
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is lead forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action —
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

~ Rabindranath Tagore ~

(Gitanjali)

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“I trace the rainbow through the rain and see the promise is not in vain.”</i


Every 3.6 seconds a real person dies from hunger somewhere in the world!!!
Feed a hungry person today:
http://www.hungersite.com

My YouTube Channel
http://www.youtube.com/Ninure

God is still speaking
http://www.stillspeaking.com

John Mark Ministries
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/

Prayerful thoughts

PRAYERFUL THOUGHTS

Help me to remember that the jerk who cut me off in traffic last night could be a single mother who worked nine hours that day and was rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help me to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can’t make change correctly might be a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind me that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) possibly is a slave to addictions that I can only imagine in my worst nightmare.

Help me to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress could be savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Remind me each day that, of all the gifts you give me, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those I hold dear.

Open my heart not just to those who are close to me but to all humanity. Let me be slow to judgment and quick to forgiveness and patience and empathy and love.

AMEN!

Spiritual Garden

Winter has ben so mild this year that my thoughts are already tuned in for planting new things…

(~) Spiritual Garden

When you plant this garden, may God richly bless you in your
sincere endeavour

Plant three rows of squash:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash criticism
3. Squash indifference

Plant seven rows of peas:
1. Prayer
2. Promptness
3. Perseverance
4. Politeness
5. Preparedness
6. Purity
7. Patience

Plant seven heads of lettuce:
1. Let us be unselfish and loyal
2. Let us be faithful to duty
3. Let us search the scriptures
4. Let us not be weary in well doing
5. Let us be obedient in all things
6. Let us be truthful
7. Let us love one another

No garden is complete without turnips:
1. Turn up for church (or other community of faith)
2. Turn up for meetings, in prayer, and Bible study
3. Turn up with a smile, even when things are difficult
4. Turn up with determination to do your best in God’s service.

After planting, may you grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ (II Peter 3:18.) And may you reap rich results.

“The measure of a person’s character is what he would do if he
knew he would never be found out.”
– Source Unknown

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