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Posts tagged ‘racism’

New immigration attack: It’s too pricey – Carrie Budoff Brown and Jake Sherman – POLITICO.com

Once again the GOP/Tea Party “reaches” out to Hispanic voters….NOT!

New immigration attack: It’s too pricey – Carrie Budoff Brown and Jake Sherman – POLITICO.com.

King Did more than Dream – a selection from a speech

The only question I have is, “If I am truly a follower of Jesus, should this not be obvious? – Ninure da Hippie

Love-Force

Martin Luther King, Jr.

The gospel at its best deals with the whole [person], not only soul but body, not only spiritual well-being, but material well-being. Any religion that professes to be concerned about the souls of [people] and is not concerned about the slums that damn them, the economic conditions that strangle them and the social conditions that cripple them is a spiritually moribund religion awaiting burial….

I had almost despaired of the power of love in solving social problems. The “turn the other cheek” philosophy and the “love your enemies” philosophy are only valid, I felt, when individuals are in conflict with other individuals; when racial groups and nations are in conflict a more realistic approach is necessary. Then I came upon the life and teachings of Mahatma Gandhi. As I read his works I became deeply fascinated by his campaigns of nonviolent resistance. The whole Gandhian concept of satyagraha (satya is truth which equals love, and graha is force; satyagraha thus means truth-force or love-force) was profoundly significant to me.

As I delved deeper into the philosophy of Gandhi my skepticism concerning the power of love gradually diminished, and I came to see for the first time that the Christian doctrine of love operating through the Gandhian method of nonviolence was one of the most potent weapons available to oppressed people in their struggle for freedom. At this time, however, I had a merely intellectual understanding and appreciation of the position, with no firm determination to organize it in a socially effective situation.

When I went to Montgomery, Alabama, as a pastor in 1954, I had not the slightest idea that I would later become involved in a crisis in which nonviolent resistance would be applicable. After I had lived in the community about a year, the bus boycott began. The Negro people of Montgomery, exhausted by the humiliating experiences that they had constantly faced on the buses, expressed in a massive act of noncooperation their determination to be free. They came to see that it was ultimately more honorable to walk the streets in dignity than to ride the buses in humiliation.

At the beginning of the protest the people called on me to serve as their spokesman. In accepting this responsibility my mind, consciously or unconsciously, was driven back to the Sermon on the Mount and the Gandhian method of nonviolent resistance. This principle became the guiding light of our movement. Christ furnished the spirit and motivation while Gandhi furnished the method.

The experience in Montgomery did more to clarify my thinking on the question of nonviolence than all of the books that I had read. As the days unfolded I became more and more convinced of the power of nonviolence. Living through the actual experience of the protest, nonviolence became more than a method to which I gave intellectual assent; it became a commitment to a way of life. Many issues I had not cleared up intellectually concerning nonviolence were now solved in the sphere of practical action….

The nonviolent approach does not immediately change the heart of the oppressor. It first does something to the hearts and souls of those committed to it. It gives them new self-respect; it calls up resources of strength and courage that they did not know they had. Finally, it reaches the opponent and so stirs his conscience that reconciliation becomes a reality.

Source: I Have a Dream: Writings and Speeches That Changed the World

The Religious/Political Right’s Vocabulary & Phrase Book-Volume Two

I was looking for something in my files, and once again came across one of those articles that hardly seem dated.

Think about that for a minute.

The right doesn’t seem to learn that their “double speak” isn’t very productive – unless their goal is really the destruction of America… – Ninure da Hippie

The Religious/Political Right’s Vocabulary & Phrase Book-Volume Two

April 26, 2006

By Clint Willis

“Racially balanced” as in “The Republican Party is very racially
balanced.”

This phrase is used during hurriedly arranged photo ops after someone
of prominence has made the insinuation to the mainstream media that the
Religious/Political right is composed of mostly rich white men.

Someone is bound to utter this phrase just as you notice that all of
the women, blacks and hispanics in the group have suddenly been pushed
up into the front row smiling proudly, not realizing that behind them
the next solid three rows are the white guys grinning for the camera
because they know that they’re really the ones in charge.

“Judeo-Christian Values”
Note Judeo always comes first.

This phrase is used often and loudly when the right-wing Christian
section is emphasizing that they have generously included Jews in their
outrage about abortion, gay rights, or tax breaks for major
corporations.

Usually the next day the more extreme fundamentalists of the group give
a sermon to their followers stressing that while they love their Jewish
brothers (well, maybe just enough to get the election swung in their
favor), they must still realize that in order for Jews to get into
their heaven, they still must first accept Jesus Christ as their
savior.

Sort of how they feel about their private Golf Clubs.

“Pro-business liberal”

This one threw me the first time I saw it in print, because by rights,
according to all good conservatives, there is no such thing as a
“pro-business liberal”.

Apparently this phrase is employed to throw blame at liberal democrats
with their liberal businesses joining the liberal wing of the
Republican Party and ruining everything.

In other words, just throw the word “liberal” on anything to make it
sound bad or to assign or distract blame.

“God, America, and the flag”,

is the new holy trinity, replacing “Baseball, mom, and apple pie”.

You must worship all three equally or be branded a traitorous liberal
unchristian deviant.

“Budget Surplus”

is a phrase never used in mixed company (i.e. Republicans with
Democrats).

The budget surplus is what the Republican Congress proudly claimed as
theirs, not President Clinton’s, from the steps of the Capitol
Building.

In the late 90s the budget surplus was the direct result of their
“Contract with America”… well that is until GW spent it all at
Halliburton.

Now the political right wing would rather we didn’t mention it, and if
we do, they claim it didn’t really exist anyway and was just on
paper–shhhhhhh!

“Your facts are erroneous”

is a phrase used most often when they know Democrats are speaking the
truth, but they haven’t found time to “Google or Yahoo” something
opposing from a right-wing slanted website to refute it yet.

“Knee-jerk reaction”

translates to “They’ve intelligently reacted to something important
before we did, causing us embarrassment, so we’ll dismiss it as nothing
in order to distract the public.”

The press is currently having a knee-jerk reaction to rising gas prices
at the pump, but don’t worry… soon it’ll be “old news”.

Currently President Bush is stressing that we should leave prices as
they are (no matter how high they go) and instead use conservation and
alternate fuels.

Thus we preserve “big oil’s” profit line; which should cause another
“knee jerk” reaction from the voting public.

“Some of my best friends are gay”

They live about three miles from me.

My sister’s hairdresser’s maid introduced me to a plumber who lives
next door to them, but I can’t remember his name.

He says they’re nice people.

“This is all just old news!”

translates to “The public knows this is a problem we haven’t even come
close to solving yet, even though we’ve had plenty of time to look into
it, so we’ll just declare it unimportant!”

Example, “New Orleans is old news”

“Impeding Free speech”

translates to “Not permitting right-wing political or religious
propaganda to be prominently displayed in public buildings”.

See also:

“Violating the spirit of the First Amendment”

which translates to using the “Free speech amendment” to allow such
things as homosexual pornography, cuss words on the Sopranos,
publishing books criticizing George Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Pat Robertson,
or or or even The Los Angeles Times recently suggesting that Dick
Cheney resign!, or the press’ reporting of several state legislatures
(so far Vermont, California, and Illinois) that have
recently, or are planing to, call for the House of Representitives to
prepare to look into Bush’s impeachment.

“God created dinosaur bones, but not real dinosaurs!”

Sorry, I just had to include this one after I nearly fell out of my
chair laughing when I read it in print.

A religious nut actually asserted that God created the bones, and then
put them into the ground where we could find them, to test our faith
because the actual animals never really existed!.

“I am praying for you!”

Personally I’m disgusted every time George Bush utters this phrase.

He prayed for the space shuttle astronauts safe return,

he prayed for the miners in West Virginia,

and he prayed constantly for the victims of the World Trade Center to
be rescued along with the lives of the victims of the Pentagon.

All he was doing was kissing the asses of the Political/Religious
Right, and gave false and useless comfort to the victim’s families who
believed that his important presidential prayers would somehow be paid
more attention to by God… which they weren’t

“I do not believe in basing American Policy on poll numbers”.

Unless they agree with what George is saying at the moment.

“We are on the side of the political right!”.

Apparently they don’t seem to realize that that means which side of the
aisle they sit on, and not that they’re correct all the time.

_______________________________________________________

The above is from “Jesus Is Not a Republican : The Religious Right’s
War on America” by Clint Willis.

A Tribute to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr (on his Birthday)

Breathing While Being Black

If you are one of those who is “tired: of hearing about racism”, you need to stop reading now.

You’ve been warned.

The article I share today is most likely going to make you uncomfortable.

But I have to share it with you.

I cried while reading this article, because someone finally has been able to put into words things that I have never been to explain to many of my White friends, colleagues and associates.

I pray that you will read this article with an open mind and heart. – Ninure da Hippie

The Crime of Breathing While Black
By Christopher Rabb, Afro-Netizen
December 12, 2006

There is nothing like being made to feel like a nigger. Just having to verbalize it or commit such a thought to text is gut-wrenching. Janitor or journalist, if you’re black in America, that feeling is both unmistakable and more familiar than it ever should be so long after the the visible successes of the civil rights movement. But despite the greater prospects, opportunities and privileges earned for and by many of us over the decades, the default has remained the same: The power dynamics that exist in this country at any given time may render us niggers.

I have often joked that if you ever want to see a modern-day Uncle Tom, look no further than me in the vicinity of a white police officer. The reality is, that is how I have been conditioned to behave around the police for pure self-preservation reasons, having grown up black in Chicago with parents who wanted their boys to live to adulthood. But the other reality is that whatever newfound liberties I have experienced, and all too often have taken for granted, I don’t ever want to be made to feel like a nigger — something far, far worse than its utterance. It is a status whose roots form the tree from which we are lynched. Without the corollary lack of humanity and powerlessness, lynching could not occur, in all of its modern iterations, “contagious shootings” included.

Two recent police shootings involving black victims have a deeper meaning and impact for those of us who are unwarranted, but nevertheless prospective, suspects. In New York, Sean Bell, a 23-year-old unarmed man, died and two of his friends were critically wounded — caught in a hail of fifty bullets fired by undercover officers — as the group emerged from a nightclub, where they had been celebrating Bell’s bachelor party. In Atlanta, 88-year-old Kathryn Johnston was shot as she sought to defend herself from police who had stormed into her home in search of drugs.

This past Thanksgiving I was stopped by an Alabama state trooper for a minor, unintentional moving violation. It was late, my family and I were tired and we were driving through rural Alabama in a rental car. Almost instinctively I knew what I had to become and how I had to act when pulled over. But as soon as I knew that the trooper had no desire to use his discretion to let me off with a warning, I committed an inviolable act that I will not soon forgive myself for as a husband and father of two small children: I challenged the trooper, albeit politely. It was a stupid and potentially dangerous thing for me to do, as the stealthy punches to my thigh from my wife reminded me.

Nothing is more important to me than the safety of my family, and yet there was this dissonant part of me — that privileged post-civil-rights- era, Generation X sensibility that was evoked — asserting that “we’ve been niggers long enough,” as I recounted the generations and diversity of indignities my family has had to withstand with no recourse.

Such indignities still abound in popular culture. Consider comedian Michael Richards, who recently unleashed a racist tirade after being heckled by a few black men in the audience. Worse, he made graphic reference to lynching when he explained what would have befallen them had they “mouthed off” to a white person fifty years ago.

But whether or not we use the word “nigger” or discourage its use by others — or among black folk — the discrete events that trigger that visceral feeling in us will remain as long as black lives continue to have less value than white lives. Because they do. To invoke a newer, insidious rhetorical tool of conservatives, it is white “innocent life” that is sacrosanct, not society’s moral outrage against violence and brutality, physical or psychological.

More than a decade after the O.J. Simpson verdict, Simpson is still the poster boy for brutality and injustice, whereas former detective Mark Fuhrman is all but legitimated as a bestselling author despite a long history of his admitted brutality as a member of the LAPD.

For many African-Americans, whether or not they believe a guilty man was nearly framed, to cast Simpson as a symbol of brutality gone unpunished is not only bizarrely misplaced and insulting; it is also symptomatic of a society intentionally blind to the daily realities of what it feels like to be seen more as a problem than as a person.

Every day we are made conscious of our own race and status in society by a host of peers and judges in a range of venues. And even if we never have to endure an altercation with the police, we still are acutely aware of how easily we can be made to feel like niggers: our gait, tone, behavior, our proximity to valuables (or more valuable people) is scrutinized. And our choice to accept this reality and conform to earn that eye contact, that begrudging customer service or that success in hailing a cab is related to this issue of brutality, because it is an assault on our citizenship and very humanity.

“Contagious shooting” may very well be a legitimate assessment of the events that culminated in Sean Bell’s death hours before his wedding. But it is symptomatic of something larger that undoubtedly correlates to when such contagions most often occur and to what degree. If there is a presumption of guilt or reason to fear or distrust someone irrespective of context, that itself is a crime; it represents the psychological brutality and ubiquity of institutional racism.

But perhaps institutional racism sounds a bit too harsh for the thin-skinned mainstream media, the proxy of our willfully ignorant body politic. Society prefers what is in essence “situational racism” that dissolves with a well-placed, well-timed apology to the right brokers of contrition. “Some of my best friends are black.” “I was drunk.” “He had a wallet.” All socially acceptable mitigators of brutal speech are deftly untethered from their more vile origins, too shameful and heavy for those most complicit to bare. But the weight of its impact never lessens on those of us who do not have a choice as long as we’re breathing while black.

<em>Christopher Rabb is a writer, consultant, blogger and activist. He is the founder and chief evangelist of Afro-Netizen, a Black-oriented weblog geared to civic-oriented, intellectually curious netizens.

FAIR USE NOTICE:

This blog may contain copyrighted material. Such material is made available for educational purposes, to advance understanding of human rights, democracy, scientific, moral, ethical, and social justice issues, etc.

This constitutes a ‘fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in Title 17 U.S.C. section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

This material is distributed without profit
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Feed a hungry person today:
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God is still speaking
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Rant: What if the Tea Party were Black

(Note: Tho this is something that I posted in a Blog a little over two years, it somehow seemed that I post this now, while we watch the GOP pander and cate to the most extreme elements of the Right)

I have no problems answering the question, “What if the Tea Pary Were Black?” I’m old enought to remember how the the most peaceful “wing” of civil-rights movemt was treated, and how the Right – and even some “moderates” – talked about it then. Even tho now-a-days some of them have the NERVE to pretend they respect Dr. Martin Luther King.

I’m old enough to remember the Right and Moderates talk and react to the Black Panther Party, the Stuedent Non-Violent Co-ordinating Committee, and other “Black militants”.
– Ninure da Hippie

What If the Tea Party Were Black?
By Tim Wise, AlterNet
Posted on April 25, 2010, Printed on April 26, 2010
http://www.alternet.org/story/146616/

Let’s play a game, shall we? The name of the game is called “Imagine.” The way it’s played is simple: we’ll envision recent happenings in the news, but then change them up a bit. Instead of envisioning white people as the main actors in the scenes we’ll conjure – the ones who are driving the action – we’ll envision black folks or other people of color instead. The object of the game is to imagine the public reaction to the events or incidents, if the main actors were of color, rather than white. Whoever gains the most insight into the workings of race in America, at the end of the game, wins.

let’s begin.

Imagine that hundreds of black protesters were to descend upon Washington DC and Northern Virginia, just a few miles from the Capitol and White House, armed with AK-47s, assorted handguns, and ammunition. And imagine that some of these protesters —the black protesters — spoke of the need for political revolution, and possibly even armed conflict in the event that laws they didn’t like were enforced by the government? Would these protesters — these black protesters with guns — be seen as brave defenders of the Second Amendment, or would they be viewed by most whites as a danger to the republic? What if they were Arab-Americans? Because, after all, that’s what happened recently when white gun enthusiasts descended upon the nation’s capital, arms in hand, and verbally announced their readiness to make war on the country’s political leaders if the need arose.

Imagine that white members of Congress, while walking to work, were surrounded by thousands of angry black people, one of whom proceeded to spit on one of those congressmen for not voting the way the black demonstrators desired. Would the protesters be seen as merely patriotic Americans voicing their opinions, or as an angry, potentially violent, and even insurrectionary mob? After all, this is what white Tea Party protesters did recently in Washington.

Imagine that a rap artist were to say, in reference to a white president: “He’s a piece of shit and I told him to suck on my machine gun.” Because that’s what rocker Ted Nugent said recently about President Obama.

Imagine that a prominent mainstream black political commentator had long employed an overt bigot as Executive Director of his organization, and that this bigot regularly participated in black separatist conferences, and once assaulted a white person while calling them by a racial slur. When that prominent black commentator and his sister — who also works for the organization — defended the bigot as a good guy who was misunderstood and “going through a tough time in his life” would anyone accept their excuse-making? Would that commentator still have a place on a mainstream network? Because that’s what happened in the real world, when Pat Buchanan employed as Executive Director of his group, America’s Cause, a blatant racist who did all these things, or at least their white equivalents: attending white separatist conferences and attacking a black woman while calling her the n-word.

Imagine that a black radio host were to suggest that the only way to get promoted in the administration of a white president is by “hating black people,” or that a prominent white person had only endorsed a white presidential candidate as an act of racial bonding, or blamed a white president for a fight on a school bus in which a black kid was jumped by two white kids, or said that he wouldn’t want to kill all conservatives, but rather, would like to leave just enough—“living fossils” as he called them—“so we will never forget what these people stood for.” After all, these are things that Rush Limbaugh has said, about Barack Obama’s administration, Colin Powell’s endorsement of Barack Obama, a fight on a school bus in Belleville, Illinois in which two black kids beat up a white kid, and about liberals, generally.

Imagine that a black pastor, formerly a member of the U.S. military, were to declare, as part of his opposition to a white president’s policies, that he was ready to “suit up, get my gun, go to Washington, and do what they trained me to do.” This is, after all, what Pastor Stan Craig said recently at a Tea Party rally in Greenville, South Carolina.

Imagine a black radio talk show host gleefully predicting a revolution by people of color if the government continues to be dominated by the rich white men who have been “destroying” the country, or if said radio personality were to call Christians or Jews non-humans, or say that when it came to conservatives, the best solution would be to “hang ‘em high.” And what would happen to any congressional representative who praised that commentator for “speaking common sense” and likened his hate talk to “American values?” After all, those are among the things said by radio host and best-selling author Michael Savage, predicting white revolution in the face of multiculturalism, or said by Savage about Muslims and liberals, respectively. And it was Congressman Culbertson, from Texas, who praised Savage in that way, despite his hateful rhetoric.

Imagine a black political commentator suggesting that the only thing the guy who flew his plane into the Austin, Texas IRS building did wrong was not blowing up Fox News instead. This is, after all, what Anne Coulter said about Tim McVeigh, when she noted that his only mistake was not blowing up the New York Times.

Imagine that a popular black liberal website posted comments about the daughter of a white president, calling her “typical redneck trash,” or a “whore” whose mother entertains her by “making monkey sounds.” After all that’s comparable to what conservatives posted about Malia Obama on freerepublic.com last year, when they referred to her as “ghetto trash.”
Imagine that black protesters at a large political rally were walking around with signs calling for the lynching of their congressional enemies. Because that’s what white conservatives did last year, in reference to Democratic party leaders in Congress.

In other words, imagine that even one-third of the anger and vitriol currently being hurled at President Obama, by folks who are almost exclusively white, were being aimed, instead, at a white president, by people of color. How many whites viewing the anger, the hatred, the contempt for that white president would then wax eloquent about free speech, and the glories of democracy? And how many would be calling for further crackdowns on thuggish behavior, and investigations into the radical agendas of those same people of color?

To ask any of these questions is to answer them. Protest is only seen as fundamentally American when those who have long had the luxury of seeing themselves as prototypically American engage in it. When the dangerous and dark “other” does so, however, it isn’t viewed as normal or natural, let alone patriotic. Which is why Rush Limbaugh could say, this past week, that the Tea Parties are the first time since the Civil War that ordinary, common Americans stood up for their rights: a statement that erases the normalcy and “American-ness” of blacks in the civil rights struggle, not to mention women in the fight for suffrage and equality, working people in the fight for better working conditions, and LGBT folks as they struggle to be treated as full and equal human beings.

And this, my friends, is what white privilege is all about. The ability to threaten others, to engage in violent and incendiary rhetoric without consequence, to be viewed as patriotic and normal no matter what you do, and never to be feared and despised as people of color would be, if they tried to get away with half the shit we do, on a daily basis.
Game Over. 

© 2010 Independent Media Institute. All rights reserved.
View this story online at: http://www.alternet.org/story/146616/
>

Try a thought experiment: What would conservatives have said if a group of loud, scruffy leftists had brought guns to the public events of Ronald Reagan or George W. Bush? 
— E.J. Dionne

People often say with pride, “I’m not interested in politics.” They might as well say, “I’m not interested in my standard of living, my health, my job, my rights, my freedoms, my future, or any future.”
    — Martha Gellhorn, writer/journalist   (1908-1998)

“If you want to make peace, you don’t talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies.”—Mother Teresa

Liberalism is trust of the people tempered by prudence. Conservatism is distrust of the people tempered by fear.
— William E. Gladston

The mob is man voluntarily descending to the nature of the beast. . . It persecutes a principle; it would whip a right; it would tar and feather justice.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

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How Conservatives Argue

This is something from files that is at least six years old!! What I find disturbing is that when I first read it, I thought it might be exaggerating things a bit, but I don’t tnk that the case at all. – Ninure da Hippie

How Conservatives Argue: A Case Study

http://dailykos.com/storyonly/2006/1/13/141448/171

Liberal: The USA has fifty states.

Conservative: No, it doesn’t.

Liberal: Yes, it does. The USA has fifty states.

Conservative: What about Guam? What about that Guam, huh? Or the Virgin
Islands?

Liberal: Those are territories, not states. The USA has fifty states.

Conservative: Oh, so you’re saying those don’t count?

Liberal: Yes.

Conservative: Oh, so the people there don’t count? They’re not good
enough, huh? I thought you liberals wanted everybody to be counted.

Liberal: No, I said the territories don’t count as states. The USA
has fifty states.

Conservative: You’re really something, you know that? You liberals
are always going on about how all of us conservatives are racists, how
we don’t care about anybody but people who look like us. But you
don’t even want to count the blacks who live in Guam as Americans.

Liberal: First of all, I never said all conservatives are racists.

Conservative: Yes, you did.

Liberal: No, I didn’t.

Conservative: Michael Moore says it.

Liberal: I’ve never heard him say that.

Conservative: Yes, he does! He most definitely does!

Liberal: Look, I don’t know what he says. That’s beside the point.
And the people in Guam “count,” whatever that means. I don’t even
know who lives in Guam; I don’t know the first thing about Guam.
I’m just saying Guam isn’t a state – it’s a territory. The USA
has fifty states.

Conservative: What about Puerto Rico?

Liberal: What?

Conservative: What about Puerto Rico, huh? You love all those Mexicans
coming across the border stealing our jobs – you must LOVE Puerto
Rico, right?

Liberal: I’ve never been to Puerto Rico.

Conservative: Well, I have, and those kind of people would be pretty
offended to hear liberals like you saying they aren’t real Americans!

Liberal: I didn’t say that!

Conservative: You said they didn’t count!

Liberal: I didn’t say that either! No, wait, just wait… (takes deep
breath). I only said the USA has fifty states. Puerto Rico isn’t a
state – it’s a commonwealth.

Conservative: And they don’t speak English!

Liberal: Well, many Puerto Ricans do.

Conservative: How do you know that? I’ve been there – you
haven’t!

Liberal: All right, OK, fine, whatever. But the USA has fifty states.

Conservative: Well, I say Puerto Rico counts.

Liberal: Fine, but not as a state.

Conservative: Well, that’s YOUR opinion.

Liberal: It’s not my opinion – it’s a fact.

Conservative: Says you!

Liberal: No, not just “says me.” It’s a fact. Look it up.

Conservative: I don’t have time.

Liberal: You don’t have time to find out if the USA has fifty states?

Conservative: Listen, you may have time to sit around all day surfing
on your liberal websites, downloading Michael Moore, but I’ve got
things to do.

Liberal: Like reading about blacks in Guam and Mexicans in Puerto Rico?

Conservative: See, that’s why you guys always lose. I’m trying to
have a nice conversation, and you just keep up with the insults!

Liberal: Listen, I didn’t mean to insult you.

Conservative: Oh, yes you did!

Liberal: No, look, I’m sorry, OK? I didn’t mean to insult you.
Honestly. It’s just that… well, the USA has fifty states. That’s
a fact. And I’m just trying to state a fact, and you’re getting
very defensive, and…

Conservative: Oh, so now I’m defensive.

Liberal: Well…

Conservative: You just said you weren’t going to insult me!

Liberal: Look, I’m just trying to say the USA has fifty states!

Conservative: According to YOUR sources!

Liberal: MY sources?! What are you talking about? Look it up!

Conservative: I told you, I don’t have time to spend all day cruising
the internet, looking up geography questions! Maybe if you were busier
at your job, trying to live the American Dream, you wouldn’t have
time for all this hate!

Liberal: I work hard at my job!

Conservative: Then why are you spending all day downloading Michael
Moore?

Liberal: I don’t spend all day downloading Michael Moore! I don’t
even know what you mean by that! All I’m saying is that the USA has
fifty states!

Conservative: Again, according to YOU!

Liberal: Not just me! Here, here’s the World Book Encyclopedia. Look
it up – it’s fifty states!

Conservative: Oh, sure, the World Book! Yeah, like I’m going to
believe the World Book!

Liberal: What?

Conservative: Come on, it’s a liberal rag!

Liberal: (Long, teeth-gnashing pause) Look, just look up “United
States of America.” Ten bucks it says, “the USA has fifty
states.”

Conservative: Ten bucks, huh?

Liberal: Yeah, ten bucks. (pause) Wait, that’s the “M” volume.

Conservative: I know.

Liberal: You need to look under “U” for “United States.”

Conservative: I’m not looking for “United States.” I’m looking
for “Moore, Michael.”

Liberal: What?!

Conservative: And when I find a big glowing article about him, you’re
going to owe me ten bucks!

Liberal: Why would I owe you ten bucks?!

Conservative: You bet me ten bucks that the World Book Encyclopedia
isn’t liberal.

Liberal: No I didn’t!

Conservative: Yes, you did! You bet me ten bucks that I couldn’t find
a liberal article in the World Book. So when I find Michael Moore’s
picture, you owe me ten bucks!

Liberal: Oh, my lord…

Conservative: AHA!

Liberal: Listen, you idiot, just because you found Michael Moore’s
picture in the World Book doesn’t mean that I owe you ten bucks! It
doesn’t mean the World Book is a liberal encyclopedia! And it
certainly doesn’t mean the USA doesn’t have fifty states!!

Conservative: Oh, no? Look at this!

Liberal: (pause) “Massachusetts”?

Conservative: Bingo!

Liberal: What the hell does Massachusetts have to do with anything?

Conservative: The COMMONWEALTH of Massachusetts!

Liberal: So?

Conservative: So you said Puerto Rico is a commonwealth!

Liberal: Oh, no…

Conservative: You ADMITTED Puerto Rico was a commonwealth! Admit it,
you said it!

Liberal: Oh, man…

Conservative: So if Massachusetts is a commonwealth, and Puerto Rico is
a commonwealth, then they BOTH must be states! HA!

Liberal: OK, look…

Conservative: You owe me twenty bucks!

Liberal: What?

Conservative: Come one, pay up! Twenty bucks, let’s go!

Liberal: I don’t owe you twenty bucks!

Conservative: And I’m not even counting Pennsylvania!

Liberal: Pennsylvania?

Conservative: That’s a commonwealth, too!

Liberal: It’s a commonwealth, but…

Conservative: And Washington!

Liberal: All right, look, I lived in Seattle – Washington is NOT a
commonwealth!

Conservative: Seattle’s not even a state – it’s a city!

Liberal: Yes, it’s a city, in Washington State! Washington’s a
state!

Conservative: I’m talking about Washington D.C.

Liberal: What?

Conservative: Washington D.C. It’s a city.

Liberal: I know what it is!

Conservative: Well, you liberals are always going on about “Statehood
for Washington!” Which, you admit, is already a state!

Liberal: Washington D.C. is not a state!

Conservative: Washington State is!

Liberal: You just said Washington D.C.!

Conservative: And you said it should be a state!

Liberal: I never said that! I mean, it should be… but I
never…look…

Conservative: Should Washington be a state?

Liberal: Well…

Conservative: Simple question.

Liberal: Washington State?

Conservative: Yes or No?

Liberal: Washington State or Washington D.C.?

Conservative: Right.

(Long pause)

Conservative: He snorts cocaine.

(Long, painful pause)

Liberal: (slowly) This is Washington D.C. you’re talking about.

Conservative: Yeah. The mayor snorts cocaine.

Liberal: Actually, he’s no longer the mayor…

Conservative: I don’t think a state should have a governor who’s
used drugs.

Liberal: He’s not the governor; Washington’s not a…

Conservative: Except maybe California.

Liberal: OK, OK, stop for a moment…

Conservative: I mean, that was a long time ago…

Liberal: Listen, listen…

Conservative: I don’t see Michael Moore making any movies about
cocaine in Washington State, do you?

Liberal: Please, STOP!

(pause)

Liberal: Look, I’m just trying to make a simple point here…

Conservative: What about…

Liberal: STOP!!!

(long pause)

Liberal: I’m just trying to make a SIMPLE point here. It’s not a
big deal – it’s just a fact. The USA has fifty states. That’s
all! Yes, Puerto Rico is a commonwealth, but it isn’t counted among
the fifty states. Yes, Massachusetts and Pennsylvania are commonwealths
too. So are Virginia and, I think, Kentucky. I don’t know about
Kentucky for sure, and you know what – it doesn’t matter! They’re
considered states, OK? They’re states. Washington D.C. isn’t one,
even though I wish it was. Guam isn’t one. There are only fifty.
Fifty states. Fifty stars on the flag – fifty states. That’s all.
Fifty.

(long pause)

Conservative: Rush is so right about you people.

Liberal: Huh?

Conservative: Rush. He gets it. You people are the worst.

Liberal: I don’t…

Conservative: Here I am, trying to have an honest political discussion,
and all you can do is bring up this liberal claptrap! You call people
like Rush racists, but you don’t want to count Mexicans as Americans.
You insult the Governor of California every chance you get. You get all
your information from encyclopedias and Michael Moore. You want free
cocaine in Washington, and you want Seattle to become a commonwealth,
and you won’t pay me my fifty dollars even after I proved that blacks
run Guam! And then, worst of all, you insult our flag and our troops!!!
You disgust me!

Liberal: Good-bye.

Conservative: See, there you liberals go again! Sneaking off to
download porn from Kentucky! I’m not forgetting you owe me 100
dollars!

(pause)

Conservative: That’s it, cut and run!

(long pause)

Conservative: Why do you hate America?

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