This a long list!
Your friendly Hippie found this in her fles, and it appears to have been coomposed in part by a friend of mine name Mark T. I hpnestly don’t know ow much is “mine”, how much is Mark’s. and how much comes from elsewhere. (I used to collect tis stuff).
Anyway, tho I may not agree with some of this, I present this for your consideration.
>You Know You’re a Fundie if…
- Rather than using the Bible as the basis of your arguments, you form your
arguments first and look for quotes in the Bible you can spin for support.
- You think that everyone who doesn’t agree with you is working together for
some “agenda”.
- You learn about differing views from everyone except the people who
actually hold those views.
- You claim that science has no evidence and takes everything on faith, then
proclaim that your position doesn’t need evidence because you have faith.
- You denounce science for dogmatically holding to beliefs in one breath,
then denounce it for changing its position too frequently in the next.
- You measure the validity of evidence based on how well it supports what
you already think.
- When reality and the Bible contradict, you accuse reality of being wrong.
- You marvel at the infinite complexity of life, the universe, and
everything, yet insist that everything you ever need to know about it can be
condensed into a two inch thick book.
- You only follow the parts of the bible that jive with your own life, and
you call the ones you don’t follow, ‘Written for a different time.’
- You’re cured by modern science and medicine and then claim it was all due
to god.
- If it isn’t mentioned in the bible, it’s the work of satan.
- You claim the bible is the inerrant word of god despite the contradictions
and numerous re-writes.
- You think every tough question can be answered, ‘Goddidit’.
- You think Noah had polar bears, koala bears and panda bears on the ark.
- You shun evolution but think talking snakes are just dandy.
- You think ‘liberal’, ‘atheist’ and ‘satan’ all mean the same thing.
- You defend the idea that Hitler is in heaven and Ghandi is in hell.
- You whisper the medical terms for genitals or give them cutesy names.
- You claim that god’s will is determined even before each person is born,
yet you beseech him with prayers to change said plan.
- You don’t find it odd that Pat Robertson is worth half a billion dollars
and yet he asks you for more money.
- You live in abject fear.
- You think about how homosexuals have sex, A LOT.
- You are a misogynist.
- You defend biblical slavery.
- You ignore Adam, god and the serpent and blame Eve for original sin.
- Despite their same origins, you claim Jews and Muslims have satanic
religions.
- You know who ‘The Real Christians’ are.
- You know that the voice in your head is god and not Satan or a mental
disorder.
- Your God hates all the same people you hate.
- You praise God when humans are charitable and kind to one another; but you
curse humans sinful nature when a natural disaster destroys a town.
- You believe there is a worldwide conspiracy of evil atheist scientists who
are trying to trick the world into believing in evolution for some unspoken,
possibly demonic reason.
- You believe one’s political party determines their salvation.
- You believe every human life is sacred, but are willing to destroy it if
said life belongs to a liberal, Jew, Muslim, atheist, homosexual, or
feminist.
- You believe the Iraqi War is a holy war.
- Your idea of absolute morality just happens to embody the values and mores
of your particular culture and geographical region.
- You relish in telling people they are going to Hell, the more trivial the
offense the better.
- Just being able to conceive of an alternative explanation of anything,
regardless of evidence, is considered sufficient means to refute something.
- You believe the universe is 6,000 years old, and the millions of pieces of
evidence to the contrary are either faked or illusions.
- You say that if God didn’t exist, you’d be a suicidal drug-abusing
criminal, because apparently the promise of a reward in the afterlife is the
only thing worth being a decent person for.
-You feel insulted when a scientists suggest we evolved from apes, but have
no problem with the bible claiming we were created from dirt.
- Your idea of sound science is using conclusions to test the validity of
evidence rather than using evidence to test the validity of conclusions.
- You call people fascists for opposing a religious totalitarian government.
- You think that the theory of evolution was set up as direct opposition to
the Bible and is supposed to cover everything that Genesis did.
- You attribute all the world’s woes to arbitrary groups of people.
- You find pretty much anything that people do for enjoyment to be sinful.
-You claim that although god is all powerful, 98% of the human race will
burn for all eternity because they didn’t accept Christ your way.
-You think anyone that has a different opinion is under the influence of
Satan.
-You think you can only look at the bible one way and any other way is
wrong.
-You throw random bible verses at people to support every arguement.
-You claim that humans have no idea what love or god is even though we we’re
created in his image.
- You think that the discovery of one item younger than 6,000 years old
refutes the millions of items much older, but the millions of items much
older do not refute your one.
- You call for a boycott of telephone and electric companies because they
inevitably provide services to homosexuals.
- You’re absolutely certain that you’re 100% right about everything and that
everyone who is not you is going to Hell.
- You are incapable of finding humor in anything except human suffering.
- You believe God is the only ‘thing’ that can be infallible, but turn
purple at the suggestion you may be wrong about something.
- You believe it a perfectly reasonable reaction of an omniscient,
omnibenevolent deity to send bears to slaughter forty-two children for
mocking a guy’s bald head.
- You believe there must be a rational, caring reason for God to condone the
dashing of babies against rocks…you just don’t know what it is.
- You believe that an omnipotent and omnibenevolent god sacrificed himself
to himself so that he could violate an arbitrary rule that he made up and
save his creation from his own wrath. And it makes sense to you.
-You insist that you can’t possibly understand the Bible unless you already
believe it to be completely true.
- You actually think Harry Potter/D&D is the work of Satan.
- You think the KJV is the best version of the Bible.
- You’re homophobic…but then take great pleasure in graphic descriptions
of anal sex.
- You think that Homosexuality is a choice and can be changed. Either that
or you believe its demon possession.
- You think that only gay men have AIDS and that AIDS is a punishment for
doing homosexual acts.
- You believe the Rapture’s gonna come any day now…
-You think that a 99.9%-.1% split in the scientific community between
evolution-creation means that there is a raging controversy.
-You think that the .1% of the scientists who accept creation are honest
truth seekers (even if they all share a common religion and agenda) while
you just KNOW that the 99.9% of evolutionists who are comprised of many
cultures/religions (some christian) are evil satan worshipers
-You think that a scientifically illiterate public knows better than the
scientists
-You are in favor of teaching all the sides of the debate, but are offended
at the suggestion that OTHER creation myths be taught.
-You think that creation-science is just as valid as geocentric-science and
flat-earth-science
- You believe the ultimate defining factor of a person’s morality is their
sex life.
-God speaks the same language as you
-You believe Martin Luther founded Christianity in 1517, and the Bible was
first revealed to King James in 1611
-You’re not a mysogynist; if you hated women you wouldn’t want to own one
-You’re not a homophobe; if you were afraid of gays you wouldn’t hunt them
down and beat the shit out of them
- You think that your church is the only true church, and that all other
denominations, regardless of the similarity of their beliefs/doctrines to
your own, are hellbound heretics.
- You believe Christianity is the one true faith, but you refuse to
acknowledge the influence that Greek, Roman, and Persian thought had on the
development of Christianity.
- Thou pepperest thy speech with arcane English because thou thinkest it
makest thee sound more biblical. (Bonus pointeths if thee useth it
wronglyeth)
The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery; You shall not murder; You shall not steal; You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
- Romans 13:9
I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary — the evil it does is permanent.
- Mahatma Gandhi
In many parts of the world the people are searching for a solution which would link the two basic values: peace and justice. The two are like bread and salt for mankind.
- Lech Walesa
from his Nobel Lecture
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